10.7.10

Its interesting to me how fast my days go by, but when im actually going through just one, it seems like forever. Its probably because I spend so much time alone. While Jeremy is at work, there isnt much to do. I find myself cleaning and cleaning and rearranging stuff for no reason. Most of the time I try to sleep in as long as I can....or until the dogs cry because they are hungry or want to go outside. To me, its like the less hours im awake, the less hours I actually have to deal with the fact that everything sucks so bad right now. My marriage is rocky, i dont have a job...not because of me or anything or because I do want one, because I do. It just seems that ever since I moved here to virgnia, that its been nothing but disappointment. I was sick when i first got here last December. I couldnt walk for nearly five months and was on serious pain killers for seven. I had surgery to remove the disk that was herniated and then BAAMMM....my husband gets hit by a car on his motorcycle. Mind you, his happened a week and a half after my surgery. He was in the hospital for 7 days and being the good wife that I am, because honestly, not all wives do their job and the ones that do should be treated amazingly...anyway off on a tangent there. Um, yea, I didnt go back to work because he needed someone to take care of him. There is no family near us. Everyone of them is back in Florida where we are from. Jeremy and I met our senior year of highschool. So in love we were. We have been through alot and our relationship has surely been tested of its strengths. Its hard....especially being a military wife and being married to a guy that thinks he is 16 still. But thats another issue, for another day. These days im trying to focus more on me, and less on Jeremy. Too much of my time has been revolved around him and his schedule to the point that i literally have like 2 friends only because i threw myself out there and tried to talk to two girls from my online medical terminology class. Seriously...whoa...I was way more social back home. Now my day consists of yelling at the dogs because they keep humping each other.... i have a 1 1/2 year old blue pit named Bailey and a 6month on bichon frise named Chi Chi.... I love them but fucking ew.... anyway, a little depressed right not, but glad I wrote. Its been a long time since ive done this, and i hope its a therapeutic as everyone makes it out to be...

--E.